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all partners need to be equally free to act free from coercion, intimidation and force
all partners need to be fully conscious and aware
all partners need to be able to clearly communicate their willingness and permission. Consent is not the absence of the word "No."
all partners need to be positive and sincere in their desires

Consent means...

Communicating
Enjoying yourself and your partner
You are NEVER entitled
Knowing your own boundaries and asserting them
Listening and respecting boundaries
Asking "Is this ok?" or "Do you like this?" throughout
Stopping in the middle of whatever you are doing if they say so
Flirting and pursuing them before they're drunk
Asking if they want to be touched, and if yes, asking how
Never assuming that just because they had sex or engaged in any sexual activity with you before, that they will want to do it with you again
Being responsible
Not punishing them because they won't have sex with you
An affirmative yes, free from coercion
Paying attention, and stopping when you realize something is wrong
Disclosing any STIs you have to your partner before initiating sexual contact.
Many different things to different people

Examples of consent:

Consent is not:

Silence

A: "Do you want to have sex?" B: "Maybe. . ."

A: 'Let's do it." B: "No." A: "Come on, please."

Consent is:

"Can we hold hands?"

"First, I want to make out for five minutes, then I want to engage in heavy petting for seven minutes, then I want oral sex until orgasm. What do you want?"

"Is this ok?"

"Do you want to have sex?"

"I think we might be a bit drunk and I would like to wait until we are sober before we decide to have sex."

"I really don't like being touched while I sleep."

"You seem a bit distant right now, can we stop and talk?"

"I really want to have sex with you but I would like to get tested for STIs before we do."

Try it out for yourself!

Fill in the blanks in the sentences below to fit your needs, wants, desires, and experiences.

I really like it when you _______.

I need you to stop if you notice I am _______, ________, or _______.

Can I _______ your _______?

Before we have sex I think you should know that I have experienced _________.

Hey, I really want to be sexual with you but I have _______ and don't want to put you in danger.

_______ makes me uncofortable. Can you try _______ instead?

Are you alright? You seem ________.

Making lists can also be a really helpful tool for figuring out what you want, like and need. The lists below are just suggestions there may be others relavent to your situation. Lists can be helpful when talking to partners about sex!

My boundaries in a relationship or sexual encounter are. . .
I really like. . .
I really don't like. . .
I get triggered by. . .
I need _______ to feel safe.

Remember:

Asking permission before doing anything sexual is only part of it. A huge part of consent is checking in throughout a sexual encounter and stopping at any point if something does not feel right or the person asks to stop. It also means checking in later that day or the next day to make sure you are on the same page.

Consent can be totally awkward. We are not taught to talk openly about sex in our society. While it may be totally awkward at first, it can also be really sexy and create a safer and better sex life for everyone involved. The best way to become more comfortable with consent is to use it. While it may seem excessive at times, if you are using good consent, you can be much more sure that everyone is enjoying themselves in a sexual situation. It can also prevent awkward moments the next day or misunderstandings. No matter how long you have been in a relationship or feel you know someone's body language, using verbal consent is always a good choice.